Wordplay
by oldschoolzeldafan
Summary: One innocent question after another leads to one naughty answer after another. Link x Zelda.


**Author: **oldschoolzeldafan

**Summary**: One innocent question after another leads to one naughty answer after another.

Link x Zelda.

**Warnings**: Rated M for HEAVY sexual innuendo and a scattering of minor cussing (I probably rated higher than this merited, but I wanted to be cautious -- feel free to tell me if I overrated).

**Timeline**: Takes place a few years after the two original Legend of Zelda games, which I believe are chronologically-latest in the LoZ timeline, except for Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass. This is intended to loosely tie together the two afore-mentioned games, the cartoon show, the comics, and the image popularly held of Link as the strong, silent type. In this story arc, Link _was _living at the castle up until the second quest, then he moved out to a small cottage nestled in the woods. He has recently moved back to the castle, at newly-crowned Queen Zelda's request. Link and Zelda are a little over 20 in this fic.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Link, Zelda, Hyrule, Catalia, or King Harkinian, and I got Russ' name off a Legend of Zelda comic published by Valiant. The sap and insanity that insues, however, is definitely of my own making.

A/N: This was my FIRST fanfic! (I'd just discovered this website about a week before I wrote it). I'm doing this for fun, and to scrape some of the rust off of my story-writing. Reviews are welcomed. Flames do not bother me, for I have the Mirror Shield. I don't proffess to be a writer; just a geeky fangirl. I DO, however, profess to have aspiration of being a visual artist, so if anyone wants to see my fan-art, there's links on my Fanfiction .net bio page, which I would REALLY appreciate y'all visiting!

**Wordplay**

The kingdom is finally at peace. Ganon is dead. The Triforce of Courage had rejoined the other two pieces in the safety of the Royal Palace. King Harkinian, who is old and has been frail for a long time, had decided to retire last year and pass the crown to his clever daughter. Among her first acts as a new Queen, Zelda sought out the help of Link, the young Hero who had saved her, her kingdom, and the Triforce more than five years earlier. Times may be peaceful, but experience had taught her that Hyrule's defenses couldn't go on as lax as they had been. And so, Link returned to the palace, as a knight, to teach the new recruits and hone the skills of the established guards.

No longer the wild, hormonal teen Zelda had once known, Link had matured, both mentally and physically. He was no longer thin and awkward. His muscles were now coiled and compact, and he moved with the grace of a large cat, or a wolf on the prowl. Instead of cockiness, he now exuded a quiet and unassuming confidence. He didn't need to brag; he knew what he was capable of. And he no longer badgered her for a kiss. Rather, his eyes maintained steady contact with her when he spoke, and the intensity of his gaze made the heat rise much more assuredly than the overt advances ever had. In short, he had grown into a man.

She had always loved him, even in his immature stage. There was something very open and honest about him that she deeply appreciated, given the environment of political intrigue she navigated daily. Seeing him now, though, and knowing that, this time, she didn't have to answer to anyone's authority but her own, enboldened her, allowing her to finally tell him (well, strongly _hint_, in any case) how she felt. To her amazement, his feelings for her had matured, as well. No longer a ball of out-of-control pheromones and insecurities, this time around, he recognized what she wanted to say, and what she needed him to do. This time, he didn't _ask _for a kiss; he just _did _it. And she melted like warm butter.

Finally free to profess their love for each other, the Hero and newly-crowned Queen soon sought comfort in one another's embrace; one another's kiss; one another's bodies. For now, their love is kept hidden from the prying eyes and ears of the rest of Hyrule; she is too new and too young a Queen, in the eyes of her foreign allies, and to openly proclaim their relationship may jeopardize her influence. Oh, there have always been rumors about their closeness, and anyone who met the two during their teenage years knows how openly and eagerly Link pursued the object of his crush, but they also know how flatly the embarrassed Princess turned him down each time. Besides, five-year-old rumors and past pursuits did not constitute a fact, and now that the rumor HAD finally become reality, the lovers preferred to keep it to themselves until the time was right.

Today, exhausted and thoroughly satiated, they lie once more in a loving embrace, enjoying a rare moment of peace from the demands of their daily roles. Here, Zelda isn't Queen of Hyrule, Wielder of the Triforce of Wisdom, responsible for the health and wealth of one of the world's largest kingdoms. Here, he isn't Link: Ganon's Slayer, or Link: Finder and Wielder of the long-lost Triforce of Courage, and personally responsible for the strategic defense of the kingdom of Hyrule. Here, she doesn't have to answer to the incessant needs of the many local and provincial leaders, or the foreign dignitaries vying for her attention, or answer questions of national importance. Here, he isn't constantly plagued by rabid fans, incompetent knights, or hordes of monsters out for his blood. Here, she is simply Zelda: Link's closest friend, his sometime travel-partner, steadfast ally in battle, and, most cherished of all, his lover. Here, he is simply Link: _her _Link, from a humble family of mostly-retired knights from the tiny kingdom of Catalia and the southern provinces of Old Hyrule. She is his "Princess" (although he no longer calls her that, except in private). He is her "Hero" (which she _does _still call him in public; he's _earned _the title, dammit!).

The Queen sighs in contentment and snuggles closer to him. Free of the constant questions she has to answer on a daily basis, she decides now to ask one of her own. It's a silly question, and a bit embarrassing, but curiosity gets the better of her. If nothing else, it will give her a chance to hear Link's now seldom-used voice (she sighs, thinking that, sometimes, she _almost _wishes he were still as obnoxiously vocal as he was in adolescence, but the years have tempered his tongue, and now he rarely speaks more than is necessary, except in Zelda's company). Gathering her courage, she turns to her beloved and asks, with as much dignity as she can muster, "Link? Do you have a nickname for your, um... you know?"

Link, lying face-up with one arm strewn across his eyes, snaps to alert upon hearing the audacious question. Blushing, he stammers, "N-name? Y-you mean, for...," he shyly motions toward his manhood.

Zelda, turning a pretty shade of pink, nods her head and explains, "I once overheard some of the guards bragging about their... exploits... with the opposite sex, and some of them made references to what I now understand to be... pet names. You know, for _that_. I've always been curious if yours has a name, too..." she pauses, refusing to make eye contact and toying with the blankets in an unconsciously adorable way. Briefly looking into his eyes, which can be brown or dark green, depending on the light, and were now a warm hazel, she asks again, "Does it?"

He doesn't know what's worse: that his Princess was exposed to such blatant vulgarity, or that the answer is "yes". Embarrassed, but unable to help being honest with her, he nods, then mumbles, "...'Sword'..., " head bowed, red in the face.

Zelda, unsure she heard right, repeats, "Sword?". Link gulps, then nods. Looking sideways at her, he sees a strange smirk tug at the corner of Zelda's lips. Just as he is about to go on the defensive, though, she smiles giddily and snuggles closer to him, muttering, "Sword," in a very possessive and satisfied tone. She drapes an arm over his shoulder, and all objections die as he settles into her embrace.

--

The next day finds Link out in the training grounds, giving the next bout of fighting lessons to the newest batch of recruits for the Hylian Knights. Lesson completed, the yard clears as the sore and tired students file back to their rooms.

Light, but purposeful, footsteps approach, and Link turns to find the source. He is pleasantly surprised to find the Queen, with her usual small following of two Personal Guards, a solemn Clerical Assistant, and a couple of clingy foreign dignitaries. He quickly makes himself more presentable (not an easy feat when you are sweaty, dusty, and wearing nothing but breaches, boots, and a sword belt). Link notices the fire smoldering in Zelda's eyes upon seeing his naked torso, but says nothing. The rest of her face and posture reveal nothing, either.

The dignitaries are harassing her (in polite but insistent tones) for decisions on at least two issues that she obviously has no intention on solving today, and although she schools her features into a calm mask, Link knows her well enough to see that the two pompous pests are minutes away from being on the wrong end of Zelda's legendary temper. Deciding it would be best to avoid an international scandal, Link runs interference by approaching the group and bowing a formal greeting, successfully interrupting the tirade as the dignitaries must stop to extend their respects to the kingdom's top-ranking knight. A grateful Zelda visibly relaxes and acknowledges him. Before the two foreign masochists can reopen their mouths and continue digging their own graves, Link intersects with, "It is rare to see you on the training grounds, Your Highness. Is there anything I may assist you with?"

Zelda, gratefully taking the opening, replies in the affirmative and parts ways with the group, instructing, "I wish to speak with Sir Link, in private." The Guards and clerk step back unquestioningly. The dignitaries move aside, but grudgingly.

Once out of earshot, with their backs to the small crowd and keeping careful space between them, Link commiserates, "Rough day?"

Zelda, maintaining her regal posture, nonetheless allows her face to reflect the frustration she holds. "They want to know if I will meet with their respective Kings, with the unsaid intention of choosing a husband," Link bristles at the idea, but Zelda continues, "The two are from rival kingdoms, so they are each _very _invested in being able to arrange a meeting before the other one can." Frustration finally hitting home, she snarls, "And, they are driving me CRAZY!" Link waits while she calms down, wishing to touch her, but knowing he must keep a respectful distance in public. Once vented, Zelda looks up imploringly at Link. "Will you help me escape for a bit?" At Link's tilted head and raised eyebrow, Zelda conspires, "Just play along. Please? Pretend there's a rumor that needs looking into!" Not waiting for his response (she knows he'll agree), she spins on her heel and strides purposely back.

"Prepare both our horses," she tells her clerk, who bows and leaves immediately to make arrangements.

The older of the two Guards asks, "You Highness? Do you wish us to prepare, as well?"

Zelda promptly replies, "No, there is merely report of a minor threat that I wish to investigate. Sir Link will accompany me. You may be excused." The Guards bow and remove themselves from the courtyard.

The two dignitaries, thoroughly confused by the sudden change in plans, object with, "B-but, your Highness, surely you yourself do not need look into this?", and, "Yes, certainly there are others less vital to the workings of your kingdom that you can send, instead?"

Zelda dismisses them with a passably sincere-sounding, "Forgive me, gentlemen, but part of my duty as Queen requires that I investigate any threats of a potentially magical nature, which this happens to be. It is an inconvenience, of course, but duty must come first. We shall speak later, yes?" She barely slows down as she explains, walking past them into the stables before they can object anew.

As she walks, she breathlessly calls out to Link, who has stopped to hastily re-dress himself, "Come, Hero. Your sword is needed once more."

Adjusting his trademark hat, Link's eyes open wide in shock, remembering the previous day's conversation. He shakes himself back to the present and follows along, suppressing a chuckle at the coincidence of her wording.

--

Once saddled and mounted, the horses are eager to be on their way. Zelda's horse is a huge, blindingly-white stallion. Link's sorrel mare, a smaller, but quicker and more maneuverable breed, easily keeps pace with the stallion's longer legs. Once sufficiently away from Hyrule Castle, the horses are slowed to a canter, and Zelda laughs aloud with relief, slouching in her saddle.

Feeling playful, Link voices in mock-outrage, "Your duty as _Queen _requires that you investigate all magical threats?! I can't believe you just lied to a diplomat!" He clucks his tongue, slowly shaking his head, and soon laughs warmheartedly.

Still laughing, she excuses herself with, "I told you they were driving me crazy! It was the only thing I could think of."

Smiling broadly, he taunts, "And yet, I noticed you had the presence of mind to send off both your clerk _and _your Guards before you uttered that blatantly false line?"

She shrugs nonchalantly and waves a graceful arm. "Leave no witnesses."

Her comment, and his deadpan reaction to it, illicit another fit of giggles from both, made funnier yet by Zelda's involuntary snort in the middle of her attempt to sound dainty. Finally quieting, wiping tears from his eyes, Link manages to ask, "So, where to, now? I assume you _do _have a destination in mind?"

Zelda breathily answers, a mischievous glint in her eyes, "Why, yes! Do you remember that cottage you lived in until last year?" Link cocks an inquiring eyebrow. She asks, "Do you suppose it's still vacant?" Giggling teasingly at Link's look of utter confusion at her choice of destination, she sultrily explains, "Well, I _did _say your _'Sword' _was needed," then winks.

Mouth agape and blushing bright crimson from ears to neck, Link concludes, _'Maybe my Princess isn't as naive as I thought!'._ Methodically taking the reins of her horse in one hand, he holds his own reins in the other and veers both horses in the appropriate direction. He decides he rather likes this newest revelation.

--

Riding back into the palace stables many hours later, the two are met by different Guards and a young page, who greets them merrily. "Hello, Your Highness! Sir Link! How was your quest? Did you fight any monsters? Find any treasure? Did you get hurt? You seem to be alright. Are you?" he cheerily bounces from point to point, then looks expectantly at his two idols for an answer.

Zelda chuckles warmly from atop her horse. "We're fine, Russ. There was no danger, after all. Isn't that right, Hero?"

Link dismounts quickly, then hides a naughty grin behind his still upraised arms. With a quick glance at Zelda, he matter-of-factly reports, "That's right, Russ. Just a bit of _sword_play, and the problem was solved." Zelda nearly gasps, but swallows the sound and schools her expression.

Russ looks up in awe at Link and asks, "Gee, so what _did _you do, then?"

Link considers the question for a moment, then smiles in a decidedly wicked fashion, still hiding his face from Russ, and, glancing meaningfully at Zelda over his shoulder, he states, "There was a cave. I explored it... _Thoroughly_."

_'Uh-oh. It appears there's more of the teenager left in Link than I'd suspected...,'_ Zelda thinks, and somehow manages to not completely loose her outer calm. However, she can't prevent the blush that now creeps across her cheeks, which Link notices. His lips twitch with suppressed mirth.

Young Russ, curiosity not yet satisfied, presses on, "So, did you find anything, then? After all that work?"

Link cheerily answers, handing Russ the reins to his mare and strolling towards Zelda's stallion, "Why, yes, we _both _found a great treasure!"

Now Zelda is pink from forehead to bosom, dreading what he'll possibly say next. Unfortunately, Russ is oblivious to her discomfort, squealling, "_Really?!_ What was it?"

Link pauses before Zelda's horse as she somewhat unsteadily prepares to dismount. He takes a moment, trying to figure out the next answer. He considers how best to end this line of questioning, lest he run out of metaphors (or Zelda kills him- whichever comes first), but one final idea proves too tempting to resist. "Why, we found the most _exquisite _sheathe to ever grace a sword!"

Russ was about to ask if he could see it, when Zelda, who _was_ climbing down off her overly-large horse, takes a mistep upon hearing the answer and falls with a shriek. Link manages to catch her before she can hit the ground, the ankle of one foot still caught through a stirrup.

As Link helps her untangle, the Guards rush over, as does Russ, to hover around the very flustered Queen, whom they presume is only flushed because of her near-fall. Waving away the many outbursts of concern, Zelda shakily stands, supported by Link. As he helps her straighten, he notices the "Death Glare" she shoots him under her bangs, and barely manages to conceal a _very _smug grin.

"Are you sure you're OK, Highness?" Russ asks, wondering why the usually graceful Queen is suddenly a klutz.

Link, unable to help himself, assures, "It's alright, Russ. The Queen is simply... _worn out _from our _adventure_. Shall I escort you back to your quarters, Highness?" He summons the most innocent expression he can muster, while laughing hysterically on the inside.

Slowly, exuding every nuance of control available to her, Zelda nods at the infuriating man and, overly-politely, agrees, "Yes, I think it _would _be best to retire, now." Link quietly gulps, wondering briefly if this means he's fired.

"Highness, shall we accompany you?", ask her concerned Guards.

"No, that's alright. We're inside the castle, and I'm merely heading to my chambers. Simply cordon off the hallway to my tower and intersect anyone who tries to bother me. I would like some privacy for the evening," she instructs.

As they move away from the group, using the Queen's "exhaustion" as an excuse to lean into each other, Zelda grumbles, "You cheeky little bastard..."

Link chuckles huskily and whispers beside her ear, "You started this game; I merely played along. Can't have a game if the other player doesn't take his turn, now, can you?"

Through gritted teeth, "You realize you're in serious trouble with me now, don't you?"

He chuckles again, tilting his lips closer to her ear. "Yes. And, well... _excuuuse _me, Princess, but it was _so _worth it!"

_'Yep... DEFINITELY a teenager at heart...,'_ she laments. Still... mad as she would like to be, his breath in her ear is _awfully _pleasant... "You're _damn _lucky I love you!"

_--_

_A/N:_ Holy _SHEISA_! This thing's already gotten over 2000 hits?! (Pardon my German, but, WOW!) As a reward, here you all go! (Actually, the "reward" was posted back when I got 1600 hits, but I got a request to give you guys an alternate link, so I'm fulfilling my fan-girl obligations by updating :)

** pics. livejournal. com /oldschoollozfan /pic /00001xxx /g2**

(Remember to remove the spaces to view this.) The image is in my DeviantArt Gallery, too, but this one's easier to access, since you don't have to have an account to confirm that you're old enough to look at the image.

If anyone IS interested in the DeviantArt page (you can post comments and critique for the images there, and I DO like hearing what you think), here it is:

** neko-zhaniel. /art /Linkshaia-upper-body-detail-88114654********  
**

(As usual, remove the spaces.) There's a direct link to it from my fanfiction .net bio page, too, which I would appreciate y'all visiting, since it lists all my _other _fan-art. The one I refer to, here, will be the second image link under the _"Links to artwork for my original fan-fiction"_ heading, and is called _"Link (upper-body detail/"Yes, I'm a Sexy Beast" pose)"_. Click on it to go the image, where you can leave a comment, review, or con-crit, if you wish.

Also, if you like this story, I'd love it if you checked out the other two that I've written: **"A Family Reunion"**, and **"Developments"**, which are accessible both from my FFnet bio page and within my LiveJournal (under _Memories_, look up the titles to filter the results), if you follow the link fro my FF bio page. They all are part of the same timeline, and while they can all be read individually, the three work together to paint a more complete picture of the world I'm trying to let you envision. This one is more straight-forward comedy than the others, but I always do my best to incorporate a very careful balance of humor and character development, so expect to find several chuckles along the way with nearly everything I write. Enjoy!


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